Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
