He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize