1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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