Yo dont text me then not text me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
