Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
