OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
