Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
