there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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