and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
