i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
