So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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