the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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