Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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