too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
