Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
