I just cut my nipple shaving
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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