What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
