3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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