please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
