you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
