I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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