she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
