Porn is love you can see.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
