He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
