lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
