I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
