I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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