You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
