Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
