like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
