He felt like a one man threesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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