So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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