Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
