she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize