i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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