you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize