checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
