Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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