margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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