I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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