If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
