dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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