I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just shotgunned beers for America
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize