our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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