he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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