no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
