Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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