you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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