Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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