she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
