Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
