She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
