i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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