3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
two words...techno handjob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
