I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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