i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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