Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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