You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
