don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
