I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
