Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
