it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
