would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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