I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
