BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
