I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
