Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
