Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Randomize
