I CAN MOONWALK!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
