1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
