so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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